Latino immigrant immigrationAccording to the US Census Bureau the current US population as of March 26th, 2011 is 311,048,995. If one believes the allegation that 20% of the US population can’t find the United States of America on a map (see the questioning of Miss Teen South Carolina), that equates to 62,209,799 ignorant and unworldly US citizens – no, 62,209,800 including Miss Teen South Carolina.

Why not upgrade our citizenry with a better lot, by exchanging our ignorant citizens with more knowledgeable immigrants?

After all, it’s guaranteed that every immigrant, legal or not, CAN find the USA on a map. Swap out the bottom 20% and, voila! We’ll instantly raise the lower end of the morass from unworldly and ignorant, to those having map reading and navigational skills and the additional consciousness of a world beyond their own backyards.

Of course we should be sure that the immigrant isn’t a criminal, is free from nasty contagions, and willing to pledge allegiance to our capitalist and arguably democratic country. They can pledge to abide by a simple Immigrant Agreement.

Immigrant Agreement:

  1. Draw an X on a map showing where you came from, and agree that an American can take your place there – should they be able to find it.
  2. Sign on the dotted line and you’re in!

Rounding up all the American dimwits won’t be hard, just hold up a world map, ask them where they are, and every fifth person will fail.

Once past these formalities, we will have replaced the unmotivated citizenry, not caring enough to know their own place in relation to the world, with highly motivated immigrants, possessing a burning desire to be here for the capitalist and democratic values we kill for. They can have a piece of the pie alongside other literate and caring citizens.

Once we do that, then we can concentrate on taking it to the next level and start swapping those morons that can’t muster basic fundamental geography like Austria versus Australia.